hurts. 

While such sentence doesn’t need any explanation at all I need to quote a part from my favorite script “Life is not a movie or absent”

“I think you only told me these things because you know, deep down, how fucked up it sounds what you are saying, how it is not you, and you wanted me to say what you know to be true. I can’t offer you much, but I can offer you the truth.”

And while this needs even less explanation, I’ll finish this in an optimistic way. 

There’s no problem or dilemma, Lenka…only life happening…changing…as it always must. ;-)

Shh. Let me whisper something to you tonight. 

“In the love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man’s body. The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life’s most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become” ~ Milan Kundera

“The brain appears to possess a special area which we might call poetic memory and which records everything that charms us or touches us that makes our lives beautiful. From the time he met Tereza, no woman had the right to leave the slightest impression on that part of his brain.” ~ Milan Kundera

“This is madness,” she said, and the artist embraced her again. This time she neither resisted his touch nor reciprocated. She stood in his arms like a body without a soul. The artist whispered into this inert body’s ear, “yes, it’s mad. Love is either madness or nothing at all.”  ~ Milan Kundera

“Memories float in the air with lost words of mine, misunderstanding that is my sorrowful sign.” ~ Bliss

“Never trust the clouds, they change. Never trust the river, it runs. Trust me… because I stay” ~ Eli

“When all the bills have been unrolled, and your story has been untold; tell me if it was worth it, to see the whole damn thing unfold.” ~ Martha Wainwright 

“For life takes us through throngs of shallow people that may take away the splendor of the world; reality makes us tipsy and we talk the way as we were giving an oration, we make a consent with the devil of virtue and our conceit render the enchantment of beauty.
But then our ventures ravish our bodies and reveal new desire behind other, intensify our emotions; our words conceal our feelings and our moans reveal them; and we are taken to the decent kitsch, put onto a canvas where no color ever runs, where every stroke is accepted graciously and kindly.” ~ L. Bliss

Shh. Please keep quiet. The world still sleeps so we’re still free.

Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter. It’s the same every year, yet always different. While cold weather brings rain and snow into our souls, there is still space for the sun to light up our dreams and desires. I remember the first snowflake last year. It was midnight, too and I didn’t know what was to come. If only I knew. 

It’s the past, though, and we’re done with our past. This week was nonetheless very much like one of those I had last year around this time. Full of loneliness, misery and suffering. I was like Leo Cohen. I didn’t consider myself as a pessimist at all. I thought of a pessimist as someone who was waiting for it to rain. And I felt completely soaked to the skin.

But the lightness of the snow brought some hope and colors. And I feel like me again. I still can taste it, too. 

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” ~ Frederick Keonig

“There is no worse sorrow than remembering happiness in the day of sorrow.” ~ Alfred De Musset

“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again.” ~ Alex Tan

“Music is what feelings sound like.”

“Distance never seperates two hearts that really care, for our memories span the miles and in seconds we are there. But whenever I start feeling sad cuz I miss you I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss.”

I thought of that old joke: This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, ‘Doc, my brother’s crazy, he thinks he’s a chicken.’ And the doctor says, ‘Well why don’t you turn him in?’ and the guy says, ‘I would, but I need the eggs.’ Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships. They’re totally irrational and crazy and absurd, but I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs. – Alvy Singer

Reexamine all that you have been told in school, or in church or in any book. Dismiss whatever insults your soul. – Walt Whitman

 

I was told a long time ago to keep my mind focused on one idea: “stress is living too much in the future or in the past. In the present, you are capable of any situation that arises.”

Why do I feel that I am really getting stressed at this very point cuz I can’t handle the present situations? 

I am only trying to stay strong, because I know this is just the beginning. It’s gonna be worse. I am very glad that I had such tough experiences in Bristol, especially with managing, cuz this is gonna be pretty much the same. Not to mention the work around Prom. 

Anyway, wish me luck. I have a long night ahead of me. I promised myself that if I give in to the desire to go to sleep before everything is done, I won’t go to Bristol in 10 days. Kinda good motivation to stay up and finish everything. 

Anyway, just to cheer me up:

“dreams can come true with bravery and a ridiculous amount of work”

“that’s just how life is…you think, oh my god, this is it…I’m in trouble. and nothing happens”

“it won’t stop. You will have challenges…but success in life is how well you respond to the hard things! You have to see opportunity in everything. Losing a job, a friend…whatever. You have to somehow think about what you can gain from it”

“I’m proud of you”

“the thing is…there’s nothing for you to feel regret about….everything that happened in your past has made you the indescribably beautiful creature you are! I mean I would like for some things to be better for you…but I selfishly wouldn’t want to change it…cuz that would change you! :) in the long-run, you’re better off the way you are. you have the right attitude for a very successful life. you will always be ok because you will depend only on yourself…some people wouldn’t be as strong in your position but you are… even people with rich dads or whatever…they have it great sometimes but then things can change…dad dies or whatever. but you’ll always be ok”

“You should believe in yourself for no other reason than for who you are.”

“yes but you have had fewer influences to corrupt you. Those will come and you will have to fight them. The real trick is to learn to do what you have to do in a practical sense without losing that voice of truth within you. I think you already do that…but life is long and this can be difficult.”

“I believe in you. I worship you and believe in you and….”

“Lenka you have to find a way not to waste your potential in life. You are so brilliant. You can’t waste your life waiting on ignorant people in restaurants. There’s nothing wrong with that but for you I think it is wrong. I hate this system for making you do that. For not seeing your potential. So many stupid fucking people get so many opportunities. I don’t want to make you hate where you are right now, but it is wrong.”

“the thing is…everything you need to be the best person you can be is already inside of you. as long as you don’t listen to harmful influences and listen to your heart.”

“I don’t doubt you for a second.” 

“…..but a spark that is untamed can burn the whole fucking world and, not to be overly dramatic, but if I had to bet on one person to have her impact on the world, I’d bet on you. That’s no pressure…just seems that way from where I’m sitting.. Your unique voice is starting to shine through” 

“I just wanted to say that you are fucking brilliant”

 

This fucking helped. I didn’t even think so at first place. All that and more. I am not sure whether I deserved that but I’ll keep all that in my mind forever. It is something that I will always appreciate above all. Thank you. 

You’re not a song I would ever forget
you’re the piece of art that makes me wet
you’re the untold story of two fragile lips
you melt into my unwritten scripts.

You’re not the song that I would ever regret
you’re the question-mark balloon that I won’t let
your body moves to me closer each day
with each naughty thought I love to play

You’re the song I will always remember
when I die old and weak in the bleak september
I will feel your young body teaching me to moan and shake
I will feel how it used to be, the beautiful next morning ache

You are the song I’ll always keep singing
I know I don’t have to be clinging
But you’re the song that comes back
with each live concert and few tracks

~ written on 2nd April 2008… I need you in my song.