I’ve been indoctrinated with yet another beautiful thought. This time by Glen Hansard, leader of the Frames, brilliant Irish musician that I had a chance to see live before he and Marketa became world famous because of brilliant movie Once. Don’t get me wrong, I met him before he was really famous but I guess there’s nothing that changed him since then. 

On a Bonnaroo festival he said and interesting thing during his performance of the song “Happiness”. He basically said that “coolest people he ever met are either kids or old people. Kids don’t give a fuck yet, old people don’t give a fuck anymore”. 

And he’s precisely right. People in between, like me, just give too much fuck about everything even when it’s not needed. The most open-minded people are somehow restricted to be what they are for the simple reason of being judged by close-minded. I know few people who dress differently, have different opinions, and simple don’t give a fuck. But it’s very hard to meet them among generations. 

The worst kind of thing that can happen is that the limits will be pushed further. Young kids will start to care for little too much as they already do and also old people. 

I guess it’s just not right. What are we chasing for? For the cool? Cool is what is unique and independent. If my cool is worn, sung, said or lived then it’s not cool anymore but mundane. 

And why are we chasing after the coolest person we could possibly meet if the one waking up besides us every morning is cool enough? 

I want to say one day, before I get old, that I don’t give a fuck.

So, if you want something
And you call, call
Then’ll come running
To fight, and I’ll be at your door
When there’s something worth running for

When your mind’s made up
When your mind’s made up
There’s no point trying to change it
When your mind’s made up
When your mind’s made up
There’s no point trying to stop it

You see, you’re just like everyone
When the shit falls all you want to do is run away
And hide all by yourself
When you’re far from me, there’s nothing else

- Glen Hansard, When your mind’s made up

I woke up today with a strange feeling. It must be the reason of yesterday which was also, taken as a whole, really strange somehow.

I opened my mac today, as always, it is the first thing I do in the morning, even before I go to pee. Call me an addict and you’ll be right, I guess. As soon as I opened it, my lovely classmates started to write me. One after another. They were having a computer lesson so they were stuck on the internet instead of listening what the teacher was saying. They all asked how I was, to which I replied not so cheerfully that I was doing fine. It made me smile and also sad when I imagined them all sitting one next to the other in front of different computers and all of them wrote similar things like they miss me much and cheering me up and everything. These situations make it clear that they are my true friends. And I am sorry that I ever was skeptical about them. 

Yesterday I spent three hours walking to east-jesus nowhere. I was supposed to pick a bike at one place in a different neighborhood. But I got lost due to some roundabout and there were moments that I really wished I had been dead. I had the map but there were no people on this small path, it seemed that I am on some highway and I didn’t know where I was going. I never felt so helpless I guess. I wanted to go back home, but being so far away, I decided to push a bit more and endure it. No words of someone else could ever do the justice as this experience did to me. Getting successfully towards the end and getting my bike was one of the biggest fulfillment. An essential lesson from life, no matter how silly that might sound to you. 

Also a situation like this reminded me that even though I have friends, there are moments when I am completely alone. And we are rarely proud when we are alone. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Next couple of days are gonna be tough, the bicycle experience was just the beginning.