I am having a large movie season and will comment on the movies I’ve seen, just before the Oscars ceremony will come out. Obviously for that reason I’m seeing majority of nominated movies but also I am getting back to movies I’ve seen before or the ones that are pretty old but I haven’t had the chance to see them.

Tonight I re-watched 8 Mile. Yeah, that 8 Mile with Eminem. I know I don’t really seem to be a type who’d watch something like that but honestly, it’s a good piece of shit as the film characters would say about themselves. I really was in a mood for some bitchin’-fussin’ movie and 8 Mile served its purpose.

Moreover, it brought over the old thought about having one shot, one opportunity that we should not miss or let slip through our fingers. What does it even mean to have only one chance in life?

I am really hesitating. On one side, we have one shot – one life. That’s perfectly true, of course. On the flip side, opportunity is never a single issue. It comes back to us over and over and it is after all that one shot, that one life which is defined by the opportunities. Even the ones we’ve missed.

It is written in my movie that we only have one chance in life and I took those chances. That might only mean that a woman has just one chance with one thing in her whole life, the very precious chance. The chance that can set a woman free. That is the only possible explanation I got.

I don’t know. I just know I’ve become to be a woman who takes these chances on. The opportunities are always minute away from us. If you don’t believe me, just look out your window. I live at 8th floor. There’s an opportunity to finish everything. Yeah, even that is an opportunity. But that doesn’t mean we should take every opportunity that is close or the easiest ones. We should fight to get the best opportunities, to blow that one shot real loudly.

So these days, I simply stopped caring whether I took the right opportunities. Life is just a journey to enjoy. It has always been my life’s philosophy and I forgot to reminded it to myself from time to time. Whatever is gonna happen, I will go on. Cuz I got tired of me, taking the opportunities and leaving them in the middle because I simply gave up. And after all, we know that the only real failure is not to realize how close we were to success when we gave up.

Anyways, I finally figured out what was stopping me all those months from actually doing something. I focused too much on my future family life – on something that is so unknown to me and yet to be explored. I thought now that I have to get ready to be a good cook, future mother or admirable wife; I should forget about my dreams. I thought there was no way to combine these things.

But I was wrong. Maybe I needed to shut the careerist in myself a bit but I messed it up when I chucked out my dreams. Maybe they are all unreal but that’s what dreams are for. I may have years of mundane job until I get to pursue them. But I know the time will eventually come. I know that is what I should achieve before my time is up. And I hope all of you will see it. It will be really good, I promise.

Until then, I am gonna be grateful for that very dream of being a part of huge creative process that I will always support. It started with that one only chance. It will end with the blur, the only thing we’ll see. And I will wait for the right moment even if it takes my whole life.

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted – one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

It happened during a brief moment when I was riding my bicycle, listening to my music (as always) that I caught myself thinking about dreams. A bit of inspiration floated like a paper boat on the sea to me and once again I could steal some moment to stay in my dreamy world. 

I’ve always been such a huge dreamer. Emotional, passionate and naive one. Dreams are essential, though. Dreams are important communications from ourselves to ourselves. Dreams mean courage. A person is only as big as the dream they dare to live. The future belongs to ones that believe in their dreams. The thought of achieving our dreams is a huge motivation to live in contemporary world. If you’re not in love, then you still can have at least your dreams. 

And while I still believe in my dreams and not willing to give up any of them; the day to day reality, especially of these days, make them very vague. Obviously, the reality makes me a realist. And there are only few steps to become a pessimist from a realist. 

The truth is…everything is vague in life. Also when nothing is sure, everything is possible but still… Why can’t stuff be clear in life? Why is our imagination infinite and we can basically have anything we want but then having it is never like you imagined it. And there comes a wise conclusion, right from my dime wisdom store - you can’t have what you imagine, just what it is.

I imagine the worst options possible right now. The situation here seems hopeless even though I, still, naively think that things will get better in the nick of time. I am about to move out from the place I live now within 48 hours and have no idea whatsoever where I am going to live. Moreover, I am responsible for two of my friends (previously, there were three girls, but one gave up yesterday to what today replied those other two that they should have done the same and go home, toO). 

As a brand new 18 years old girl last year, I took full responsibility for my two friends that were here with me. ((geez, have I written this somewhere already or do these dejavu-s happen to me so often by a sheer chance? this is weird…)) And I succeed. 

This year, bit more experienced, a year older and I suck at what I am trying to do. I am always waiting for some coincidence. It does happen to me. I am quite lucky girl. Nevertheless, I can’t rely on luck anymore. That would be toO dreamy for this situation. I gotta do something.

This is such a huge challenge. Things are never as bad as they could be so this can either sustain and get even worse in my life or else I am gonna have fairly easy life, overcoming such obstacles in this age. 

Thank you guys for all your support. I am looking forward to catching up with all of you and your posts and know that I am thinking about all of you while I am trying to resist the level of stupidity around people that are kitchen porters and even waiters.