First of all, an explanation of jealousy from wikipedia: 

“Jealousy typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. Jealousy often contains a mixture of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust.”

I should practice writing in a more general way than a personal one. But that isn’t always possible. The reason for writing the post is that I felt jealousy inside of me two days ago for a little while. It was an entirely new feeling since it never happened before. I swear. Don’t mess it up with envy. That is more common that I am envious for a while that I am lacking something in life that other people have. But this time it was spicy jealousy I felt for the first time. 

Feeling jealousy is much more worse than feeling pain. When your heart aches, you probably do have a good reason to feel so. You can’t close your heart  to the things you don’t want to feel. Pain is the feeling and your feelings are part of you. It’s okay to feel pain from time to time. But jealousy is not a real feeling. It’s a fictitious feeling that cannot grow in a heart that truly loves. It grows in heart that loves the other one just the same it loves itself. It’s a selfish feeling. Cuz if you have the right to be jealous cuz you are certain about infidelity, then it shouldn’t be jealousy but again – pain. 

When I told my friends what happened that I felt jealousy what only made me feel horrible afterwards – they said it was okay to feel like that. That jealousy and love are siblings and if you love you need to feel bit of jealousy from time to time. My friend Lubka even said whether my BF felt happy about that. Geez, I have no idea but I felt like he did. He himself is a proud preacher of a theory that jealousy need to exist in a relationship. 

It’s bullshit – all that about jealousy what crowd think. I know some people are incapable of letting the jealousy go but there need to be limits. I am a free person in love therefore jealousy can never grow in my heart. Hopefully not even for another 5 minutes. 

I don’t love in an obvious way. I guess I love differently than other girls. I am not a good writer, not an artist as some of you think, but when it comes to love I am kind of an artist. I try not to fell in the trap of kitsch but I know I sometimes do, more often than I would like to these days. But love is an art. And sometimes if my art can’t be perceived I have to be more obvious with my metaphors so they are clear to my audience – in this case to the one and one only. 

Maybe if  I was more obvious, jealousy would never have space to grow. But I hope it will fade out with months and then years of certainty. I know it’s just fear of abandonment. But it’s silly. In my case, if I love, I love forever. And it other cases – if it needs to happen, the abandonment will eventually come and jealousy will be it’s petrol and poison the love air anyway. 

So I am begging all the jealous hearts to repress jealousy cuz that is just fictitious feeling. And it’s not necessary in a healthy relationship. If you love entirely, then you let the person be free and hope the freedom will get him back by the end of the evening. And if I love profoundly, I let the person go to pursue uniqueness in places that can’t be offered by me, too. That is selfless love. Difficult? Try it. Break out from the crowd.

Charles Bridge, Vltava, Orloj, Old Town, nice people and some hair loss. Briefly said, that was my trip to Prague all about. 

The art part started on Monday evening. Arrival of my sister always brings art because she is a regular theatre and cinema goer and knows how to appreciate art. So we went to see a new Slovak movie Muzika. Finally something really great comes from Slovak movie makers. 100% recommended. Especially if you want to know a bit more about Slovaks. Authentic lives, nice story. 

On Tuesday evening we went to see the most shocking movie of my life - La Sconosciuta (The Unknown). If I had a bit more time during these crazy days before my departure to England, I would certainly devote one blog post about this movie. It left me emotionally drained, it is way worse than any horror movie – for this was real. I couldn’t stop crying sometimes. If you are demanding movie fan, watch it. 

My art week doesn’t end here. On Wednesday we went to Kosice. The second largest city in Slovakia, just 30 km away from my hometown Presov (third largest city). Kosice is my most favorite town in this world. I haven’t been to many places yet but from what I’ve seen this has been the best. We went to the theatre to see the performance “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. I must confess I haven’t seen the famous movie with the same title. But this fact added an extra dose of interest into this performance and it was amazing. I would also like to blog about this, cuz I found so many philosophical thoughts in it. Naomi Klein’s book Shock doctrine must have a lot in common with this. I hope I will get back to this to blog about it once and explain my observation. 

Waling to the train station after the performance was like embracing the art with every single breath. I always feel like dancing on those streets, being there just fills me with happiness. I bid Kosice farewell and went home. Although in few hours, we were back again in Kosice on our way to the Kosice airport. 45 minutes long flight and we were in Prague. Another city of art. 

If there weren’t so many tourists, it would be the most beautiful city. I don’t even know what places I have visited but there was a lot to see. On Friday I discovered a new form of art. Hair styling. I found myself and my sister in a strange place. We happened to spend a day at L’Oreal Professionnel conference and competition L´Oréal Color Trophy.. My sister’s friend is a well-known hairdresser in Slovakia and he gave us free tickets for this show. So for a day we went to some hair trainings and lectures. I laughed my ass off sometimes. 

It didn’t stop there. Ridiculousness followed us everywhere. So in the end we not only shook hands with general manager of Loreal –  Jerome but also sat at the same table with models, miss of Slovakia and few other “celebrities”. 

As much as I was afraid to go there, I enjoyed it a lot. I realized that I needed this change so badly because I became a strong culture jammer in no time and even that I am proud to reject ads and some products, I have to keep myself normal. There’s nothing bad in acting a bit like celebrity and owning some products as long as the product doesn’t own me. If I can keep the distance, then it’s okay.

So I am glad that I was among a kind of people that I have never met before. People who own hotels, buildings, who are famous stylists, hairdressers and whatever else. Meeting them, talking to them and partying with them has surprisingly taught me a lot about myself. So after all, I really enjoyed myself though I wouldn’t seek or desire such company again.  

Hair styling can really be a piece of art. I kinda despised the work of normal hairdresser but it can be a respectable job, a job that we all need to profit from. And some of these hairdressers were true artists. 

Theatre, cinema, city art and hairstyling. All this and more was presented throughout this week. It’s sunny Sunday today and I am getting back to my normal life. 2 more exams, 2 presentations and I am off to England. My life is certainly exciting. No boring stuff, I am telling you.