Everybody hurts and everybody cries…sometimes
I can’t seem to get some sleep so maybe when I let out few feelings and burdens out of me, I am gonna be more at peace. It’s very difficult for me to write; for one thing – that my eyes are too full of tears to see the keyboard and the second thing is that lately I can’t really distinguish what is appropriate to share online and what is not. I sometimes forget that it’s my personal life *and* my official weblog and these two things shouldn’t melt too much. You simply never know who can use that to their advantage.
Next thing is, that I’ve lost the inspiration to write. I don’t know how these few latest posts sounded to you guys, but to me… this is no longer Lenka Bliss as she used to write. Nonetheless, things that are happening in my life are consistent with me as a person because whether somebody likes it or not – I’ve just changed so much.
I’m crying, tonight, because I simply feel like crying. I am going through a very happy period of my life… But everybody hurts sometimes… and everybody cries. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles. I am also crying cuz once again in my life I feel very alone. I am tired of this to tell you the truth. It is not a first time that I received a huge gift on Christmas that was taken from me on New Year’s Eve. That’s just a metaphor. And yes, I am talking about love. It’s elusive, I guess. Elusive exactly like all the other beautiful things like friendship, soulmates, bliss, joy, or passion.. Soulmates part with a wave of a hand… bliss doesn’t last forever… friends change… passion evaporates… I know it’s a roller-coasters of life. Oh how many posts I have written about that, right?
I just think that I’ll always be alone. It seems like that from the place where I am lying; on the floor in our bedroom that is 2,5 meters x 2,5 meters big. How am I supposed to believe in something else?
Anyway, as far as my new manager’s post… Well, for those who didn’t notice: I’ve been covering the position of bar manager in 4* hotel in Bristol while our bar manager is on holidays. I shall not even start writing how it goes… cuz of course it sucks. Whole thing is slipping through my fingers, makes me even more impatient, nervous and stressed. These two weeks are going to be, without doubt, almost the worst ones from whole summer in UK. (Yeah, nothing is that bad as the first weeks here in Bristol.. but still)
I knew it was going to be like that and I wish I refused this “wonderful offer”. Will I ever need this for my CV? Of course not. I don’t want to see hotel unless I stay there as a guest. I’ve done my 4 years around hotel management, either in practice or just at school. I am heading for my last and that’s it. Goodbye.
I am being very negative I know. But that’s me. I guess I am always only two ways. Extremely great, or optimist; or extremely sad, or pessimist.
I don’t know what to do really. I don’t feel like ending this post cuz I don’t feel any better. I also know that these days will sooner or later be over and I’ll be back home with my friends and everything is gonna be alright. I also know that I’ll be more than happy to come back here soon to be with him. But the present situation is killing me from within.
There are no more words left… only tears to let out. Goodnight. I’ll be okay soon. Sorry for being a drama queen and thanks for reading…
Yeah Lenka, I don’t agree with you at that you’re losing the inspiration. Hey come on, you have fully loaded with thouhgts and inspiration and also, you enjoying the post you assigned for. Life is full of happiness and deep sorrow. As you stated in sidebar – “If everyone was normal there’d be no art”. Right??
Lenka you have given a clue about the life’s flipsides. Yeah.. “I am always only two ways. Extremely great, or optimist; or extremely sad, or pessimist.”. when it comes to life the saying is always fit for it as well.
Maturity comes with experience, like wise you have made yourself to become a great person with lots of good experiences. I guess you have the passion of ehchanted by good habits and practices. Thats the vital of success life Lenka.
In life, everyone cries on some stages, Its a good habit, where we let out our tears when we need to unwind the hard times from the mind. Even blokes do cry. There is no shame on it. I do. Thanks a lot for sharing this post.
Best smile,
Zeezat
I think you have been writing well when you have been writing. Life is tough and it sucks. Just remember why you’re doing it and give yourself something to aim for.
There is a chance you could end up alone. So could anyone but I think the odds are in your favour that you will find someone.
Zeezat: I don’t think it always has to be extreme. I seek the balance at all times, and when I am not in balance, it bothers me. There must be a way to get at least closer to balance and not live extremely the way I do. But you’re right that maturity comes with experience… even handling the situations without putting too much emotions comes with maturity and most of all accepting imperfections comes with it. I am at the very beginning of maturity level… if I can dare say so. But once again I need to be a mature woman for my partner.
Thank you Zeezat again for your wonderful comment. :) Best smiles to you, too :)))
Red Wine Gums: I need to rethink my aims… that’s what I need to do. And yeah, there’s always a chance we’ll end up alone. But I have found someone, someone who is worth spending a lifetime with… it’s just that I am afraid of getting used to the feeling that I am not alone because there are always times when you are on your own…like I am now. So what’s the point of having something when they take that away from you eventually?
You will always have your inspiration to write…it just goes through hills and valleys…I will send you smiles and good thoughts for your fearless inspirations…