No, you’re in my dream.
It happened during a brief moment when I was riding my bicycle, listening to my music (as always) that I caught myself thinking about dreams. A bit of inspiration floated like a paper boat on the sea to me and once again I could steal some moment to stay in my dreamy world.
I’ve always been such a huge dreamer. Emotional, passionate and naive one. Dreams are essential, though. Dreams are important communications from ourselves to ourselves. Dreams mean courage. A person is only as big as the dream they dare to live. The future belongs to ones that believe in their dreams. The thought of achieving our dreams is a huge motivation to live in contemporary world. If you’re not in love, then you still can have at least your dreams.
And while I still believe in my dreams and not willing to give up any of them; the day to day reality, especially of these days, make them very vague. Obviously, the reality makes me a realist. And there are only few steps to become a pessimist from a realist.
The truth is…everything is vague in life. Also when nothing is sure, everything is possible but still… Why can’t stuff be clear in life? Why is our imagination infinite and we can basically have anything we want but then having it is never like you imagined it. And there comes a wise conclusion, right from my dime wisdom store - you can’t have what you imagine, just what it is.
I imagine the worst options possible right now. The situation here seems hopeless even though I, still, naively think that things will get better in the nick of time. I am about to move out from the place I live now within 48 hours and have no idea whatsoever where I am going to live. Moreover, I am responsible for two of my friends (previously, there were three girls, but one gave up yesterday to what today replied those other two that they should have done the same and go home, toO).
As a brand new 18 years old girl last year, I took full responsibility for my two friends that were here with me. ((geez, have I written this somewhere already or do these dejavu-s happen to me so often by a sheer chance? this is weird…)) And I succeed.
This year, bit more experienced, a year older and I suck at what I am trying to do. I am always waiting for some coincidence. It does happen to me. I am quite lucky girl. Nevertheless, I can’t rely on luck anymore. That would be toO dreamy for this situation. I gotta do something.
This is such a huge challenge. Things are never as bad as they could be so this can either sustain and get even worse in my life or else I am gonna have fairly easy life, overcoming such obstacles in this age.
Thank you guys for all your support. I am looking forward to catching up with all of you and your posts and know that I am thinking about all of you while I am trying to resist the level of stupidity around people that are kitchen porters and even waiters.
Things do get easier. I’d say that just living through the years from around 16 to 23 was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Also, moving is difficult no matter when in life it happens. It’s difficult on a physical and emotional level. The last time I had to do it, I made a decision that I would not freak out about it. I simply decided this, and it actually worked (with me I had the added pressure of taking on a large mortgage and some other factors, but I won’t bore you with the details).
As far as dreams go, I think we confuse the term. The dreams we have at night, speaking for myself here, are pretty fucking wierd and don’t usually guide my waking ambitions. “Dream” can also be used in this sense – what we want to see happen in our lives. There are also fantasies – what we think about in our waking hours. All these are a part of our consciousness, but still are different things, if you ask me.
Okay, I’m being a little semantic here, I admit it.
You are far too young to give up on your dreams. You are at a point in your life that just about anything is possible. You are not married, no kids, you have not spent years developing a career. As you get older and commitments start building your options do begin to fade. Right now enjoy this time. You can still go anywhere you want and be who ever you want.
I understand exactly what you mean when you say everything is vague and things are not turning out like you imagined.
I think it is only human nature for most people to be idealistic about the future. I know I was when I was younger.
I apologize I have been interrupted about 15 times (work stuff) while I have been writing this. I am just going to post it and hopefully the gist of what I am trying to say is worth something.
“Dream when you’re feeling blue
Dream that’s the thing to do…
Things are never as bad a they seem
If you just dream.”
Johnny Mercer
Good thoughts Lenka!
Our Wisdom is Knowledge tempered by experience. Experience can be a tough teacher.
Know you are doing well Lenka.
Change is rough, but it leads us to new opportunities.
I am looking forward to hearing what new ones develop for you.
Hope you are well. You are being quiet now.
Smile. ET
Wow. nice post Lenka. You’ve said, “The truth is…everything is vague in life. Also when nothing is sure, everything is possible but still…” – Yes. Its absolutely true. There is no doubt at all. The way you writing things inspired me a lot.
This is the such great example that I can state here. You’ve stated about dejavu. stuff. This is something I also experience in sometimes – Nothing wrong with this – “As a brand new 18 years old girl last year, I took full responsibility for my two friends that were here with me. ((geez, have I written this somewhere already or do these dejavu-s happen to me so often by a sheer chance? this is weird…)) And I succeed. ”
Cool. Posting…
Best smile,
Zeezat
rwhackman: Thanks :) Good to know that this difficult period may last few more years and then I actually might get used to the difficulties so much that nothing will seem so difficult anymore :)
As far as my dreams in this post, I wasn’t writing about the dreams at night. 1.) I hardly remember them; 2.) they don’t really reflect anything 3.) If I live my dreams in reality what happens to me, then I don’t remember the dreams at night at all :) So I was only thinking about those dreams and yeah, fantasies in some way. I never name it fantasy, nothing is fantasy for me because it seems anything is possible these days with a bit of luck and ridiculous amount of work (or in reverse).
In “About Lenka” section I have written pieces about my dreams and you could possibly say that instead of “my biggest dreams” I could have rather written “fantasies” cuz it may never happen. But I guess if I really wanted all of that, there would be a way. Thanks for the comment anyway :)))
lostspartan77: Yes, you are talking about the obvious. And you’re right. Nevertheless I would also say that even if you have kids, you’re married, have job…whatever… that doesn’t have to mean that you can’t change anything about your life. In fact, especially those people change it. Cuz they figure out that the way of life they are leading isn’t what they expected it to be… whatever; there can be million reasons. I would still prefer the change if it’s needed (yes, even if my potentian husband would realize that we don’t fit anymore) rather than get stuck in unhappiness and in life where you don’t feel alive. Many people lead such lives and they don’t realize that they are completely set. And indebted to everything. You gotta live with some amount of freedom. Anyway, I got lost in what I wanted to say, but I hope you got the picture. :)
I hope I am always going to be idealistic about the future. That’s what makes life more worth sometimes even if things don’t work out at the end :) I don’t want to be a realist when I am older. I like it this way and gonna keep it as long as I can. Thanks for the comment :)
Terry: Thanks. :)
Uduzit: Sorry for not keeping up with your blog right now. It seems I will have some time in next few days, cuz yes, just like you said experience can be a tough teacher but as any other touch teacher it rewards the ones that try and push through. So I got some rewards, about which I will write shortly :) Thank you very much :)))
Zeezat: Thank you :))))) I know there is nothing wrong about dejavu-s but it just so strong sometimes that it makes you wonder and say “wtf?” : )) Thank you again :))))
Ms. Bliss, yet another wonderful piece to add to the plethora that preceed it.
I tip my hat to you.
PS. Kitchen Porters represent arguably the most under-appreciated memebers of a catering brigade. It’s the worst job I could possibly imagine doing.
James: thank you :))) I couldn’t agree more with the kitchen porter thing :))) Anyway, is it a big secret what restaurant you work for or could you possibly tell me? :D