Somewhere between the “I” and the “F” is a mile
From this beautiful park in Bristol, from this lawn, under this tree in the shadow I could write about few things. Either my observations right and here, or about my feelings or the news that I have. I guess I am gonna mix all of it here.
An old man walking nearby wondering what happened to the youth in Bristol. A girl and two boys fighting and finally ending up in the fountain and being angry with each other cuz they cross the line of fun. A boy on a one wheel bicycle. Chinese couple taking pictures. Small children running all over the place. The main place of sightseeing. And dozens of people enjoying life on this lawn as I do.
My main reason is to be on the internet here cuz the place I’m living in now is a house that seriously looks like we took it over after 150 years old British couple that died few months ago and there is no net connection only unbearable smell :D. It is only a temporary place and I have to find something very soon. Things are getting better, though. Actually they are not but my attitude towards England experience is better. I can’t be so negative about it anymore. I know very well that this is the only choice and I have to keep going. And while I am not really a patient person, my last experience in England and few more things and persons have proved me that it is or will be worth it.
The work in the hotel is okay. I am the only waitress who smiles and that’s so sad. Service in Slovakia sucks because not only customers complain a lot, but mainly waiters. But hey, we’re in England. British people are satisfied with everything, they are so nice, hardly complain about something. I can’t believe that they enjoy the meals that we serve them cuz I could fucking cook better than this and I am absolutely terrible cook. So while today morning was freakin’ busy, I still enjoyed it for the sake of those smiles, thank yous and respect that they do give even to waitress. I don’t feel I am something less than them, on the other hand I feel I am more than those Polish waitresses.
England experience feels great in the end. It has made me think about things that I was ignoring. Right from this lawn everything is wide open. The fact whether girls that came with me will eventually have work, whether we will have an accommodation, if I start preparing and studying for University, if I still want to study in Scotland, if my life is going to continue to be this beautiful with few challenges and struggles… But somewhere between the “I” and the “F” is a mile. “If” only I had the courage to remain too. Nonetheless the world is still full of inspiration “if” you want to see it and “if” you do, like me, then you’re life is gonna thrive like our souls do. And that will give you enough courage to walk miles and miles on end.
And I am gonna ride my miles on this shitty bicycle that I bought and smile on this world.
The parks in Bristol are lovely this time of year, although I’d share the old man’s sentiment about today’s youth. I wouldn’t be too sure about the Brits and complaining, I’ve worked as a Chef for 12 years now and I promise you it’s only a matter of time before you find someone who’s difficult!
Good to hear it’s going well, don’t forget to keep that smile of yours whilst you peddle away on your ’shitty’ bicycle! :)
Nice to hear you are settling in. Different countries are weird at times alright.
It can be a long journey between I and F but you get there in the end
James: Well, I wonder what happened to the youth here as well :D So different… and crazy I guess :) Thanks anyway :)
Red Wine Gums: Thank you :)))
…you are really real Lenka. i never have the same experience like yours, but i believe it would be happened someday.. my life is hard, but i like to keep my dream, it makes me feel better to face the days.
british people is so polite and patient, i think movies dont lie telling about it. now you are there so far from homeland, but you are a girl that could make herself feeling better n doing great things. *when u feel lonely, remember me :)
Lenka: Amazing writing from an great girl as usual. And those miles between the I and F is what makes life journey interesting, dont you think? Keep smiling honey, we are all there in spirit peddaling our asses off right along with ya. ;-)
alwaysthatgirl: Oh yeah, I do really think :) Thank you :))
Herliando: yup :) Thanks :)
This seems like a formative time in your life. I can relate, because my English experience was formative for me as well. I very nearly lost it when I first went over there – bursting out into tears, anxiety to the point of my hands shaking, serious thoughts of going home and a terrible feeling of isolation. Not a story I tell very often. I’m a guy and it’s a little embarassing, you know?
But I think you have the right approach. Look for things that make you happy and enjoy the moment. Appreciate friends and face “the things that you’ve been ignoring”. It ain’t a bad place to be.
Enjoyed this insight. Ready to send…!:)
rwhackman: Yup. I am in age that is supposed to be formative somehow. I can imagine how you felt and yeah, it is more difficult to admit being weak when you are a man but then, I am too proud to admit such things too :) Anyway, thank you for the encouragement. :)
Terry: But I am not ready :)
Well, I suppose all of our ages are “formative” in that we are always in the process of becoming someone older, and hopefully aquiring useful experience in the process.
The problem with admitting your faults and weakness is manyfold, and not just based on pride. A couple of them are 1) People don’t want to hear about them. 2) Admitting them can make people feel uncomfortable because it reminds them of their own issues and 3) There are some people who will actually think less of you for talking about them. In the last case, these people are typically the assholes, but it’s surprising how many of them there are.
Your last line reminds me of the lovely Frost poem:
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
All the best.
Thank you Rash :)