Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.

Since I expect not having enough time in next few days, I am gonna catch up and write what’s new, this time – in my life. 

Many of you don’t know me and I often write posts that may be vague for those who read my blog for the first time. But well, I am pretty open-minded person, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask. 

Yes. “If you have any questions, feel free to ask.” That sentence gets on my nerves. I am going to Bristol in 2 weeks time and actually have no accommodation. I am posting ads on the internet in hope to find exactly a place that I am looking for. That is my tactic so far, in next few days I will be forced to change it. 

Anyway, let’s start chronologically. 

This week was my last at school. I passed numbers of exams and tests and sooner or later I will be able to announce proudly my final grades. This is supposed to be a big deal for me cuz I never cared about grades at all, selected only subjects that mattered to me and with other subject I did just fine without much preparation. This time, for the sake of university and my big plans I decided that it’s time to be more responsible and prove others that I am bit of a smartass, too. I succeeded. 

Next week, I am off school. Our 5th graders have leaving school exams so I can enjoy my free time with my amazing sister who is coming home from United Emirates (she works as a flight attendant). It will be such a reward after weeks full of stress and insecurities. Monday, we’re going out, Tuesday – my mother is going to Sweden to see her friend, Wednesday – we’re in nearby city Kosice in theatre, Thursday till Saturday we’re in Prague. 

I’ll study a bit on Sunday cuz I have some exams till Wednesday and I’ll slowly start packing for Bristol, UK. I am not really looking forward now because we still have no place to stay as I said, nobody to pick me up at the airport and no job. But I look on the bright side. Everything is so far going the way that I want, so I hope that it will go on. And it’s not really that bad at all. It just sounds like it is. :) 

On the other hand, I love this change for summer. Bristol is a beautiful city, I was there three years ago just for vacation and last year I was working there in the hotel. It was a great experience and I have no doubts that it will be the same this year. The beginning it’s gonna be tough but well, that’s why it’s called beginning :)

I decided that I am not gonna socialize much in Bristol, mainly for 2 reasons:

1.) In my spare time after work, I have to study MUCH, to brush up my English and prepare for TOEFL, IELTS tests and state exams. 

2.) I can’t shake off the feeling I’ve been having since my last visit to Bristol – that English people don’t like foreigners, especially ones that are similar to Polish. I guess it’s simply too much for them, and basically many Slovaks, Czechs and Polish don’t bother to learn the language but they do benefit from the country. My only concern is that I hate to be judged. I am scared of being labeled. So I’d rather avoid such situations.

So… it’s not gonna be easy and all but I am ready to face new challenges. Again I am also taking responsibility for three classmates that wanted to go to Bristol with me. My three female friends will arrive a week later so I will have enough time to arrange things for me and them. It is a challenge, a risk and I am worried and afraid. I feel courageous, but courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.

So keep your fingers crossed for me :))

~ by Lenka Bliss on May 16, 2008.